The Anxious Writer
The Anxious Writer
Mini Disclaimer: I'm not a psychological professional or doctor; I'm just sharing my opinion based on some research I've done, and some thoughts on current issues that most of us seem to be facing.
Do you ever get hit with waves of deep anxiety, sometimes out of nowhere? You'll just be going about your day, and suddenly: your stomach is getting that funny, twisty feeling, and you can't ignore the rising tension in your body telling you that something is very, very wrong! - and you're not entirely sure what brought this on, but you know there's really not much to do other than ride it out. Ever feel like that?
Well, if this was a couple of decades ago, I'd follow up that question by saying something reassuring, like "you aren't the only one." Today, however - the better measure is figuring out how many of us aren't anxious humans walking around with stress-addled brains.
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| From Pixabay |
Let's get one thing straightened out first: Anxiety is not stress.
There is a distinction that I want to clarify: stress is not anxiety, and anxiety is not stress. Stress can cause anxiety, and anxiety puts stress on our minds and bodies, but they are not one and the same. Many other things can cause anxiety, and many other things can put stress on our minds and bodies. Often, people blur the lines with these two terms and use them interchangeably.
Think of it this way: If I've got a whole bunch of homework that's due tomorrow, I'm definitely going to be under stress, but I probably won't be anxious about it, because it's relatively low-stakes. In the worst case scenario, I'll lose a few points, or I'll ask for an extension, and it won't be the end of the world. I'm stressed out, but I'm not anxious.
I want to make this distinction clear because, while researching for this article, I found a range of articles which used the terms interchangeably.
Stress is not always bad. Stress can be a motivator. It can actually make us perform better and be more productive, if it's not overwhelming. When it gets overwhelming, that's when stress becomes unhealthy, and that's also when anxiety can potentially begin to creep in.
Anxiety is the plague of the modern era.
In my opinion, the issue is less about whether or not people are more anxious today
than they were yesterday - we know they are - but rather why they're anxious, and what we
can do as communities, societies, and peoples to lessen the impact of
the stress of our current state of affairs.
Countless studies have confirmed that cases of anxiety and mental health issues have been on the rise for over a decade - to the point where market insights have been published to show businesses how they can profit off of this increase. But this is only a symptom - what's the disease? Many have pointed to a variety of different culprits:
- social media and instant messaging culture
- other forms of media (movies, TV shows, video games, etc.)
- marketing and advertising
- financial stress and instability
- career insecurity and unemployment
- conflicts around the world
- social expectations
For some of you, that list reads like the usual suspects. This has kind of become common knowledge, to some extent. We can all tell, for example, that we feel a little crappier after using social media for too long, so we know that it has a negative impact on our mental health because we can feel it. Likewise, we know that conflicts around the world impact our mental health negatively because we can feel that, too: we have empathy, and we can understand that the suffering that others are going through is heartbreaking, and that nobody should ever have to go through that kind of suffering. When we are faced with a barrage of distressing news, we feel down emotionally. We can tell when our mood swings are linked to career instability and unemployment, and we can feel the stress induced by worrying about if we're going to have enough money to put food on the table next month.
But maybe there are certain things we're disregarding that can also impact these trends of increasing anxiety worldwide - elements that we don't always list as possible culprits, and which perhaps work in more subtle ways. These include:
- shifting sociocultural environments
- increasingly polarized and highly sensitive worldviews
- unsustainable working conditions and expectations
- disconnecting from reality by leaning into the virtual
- turning away from religious teachings
- immoral/unethical/harmful behaviour
- the changing of our global climate
- uncertainty about the end game - where we go from here, as a species
You might read a couple of those and find yourself thinking, "Uh, no. That's not it for me." That's probably true; you don't have to tick all the boxes. But the factors which do play a role in our daily lives are numerous, and they can change from one person to the next, and there are those that I haven't even thought of in this small list above.
Every little drop adds up - and in the end, your cup begins to overflow.
How is anxiety linked to writing?
I put out a poll on Tumblr this past week:
To be frank, I expected that the majority of writers who dealt with feelings of anxiety would generally opt to not write when feeling anxious. This has been my own experience. However, I am surprised at the number of writers who are able to dive into their writing despite their anxiety, and I think that that's ideally what I personally would like to be able to do - not only for writing purposes, but also so that I don't let life pass me by because my body is giving me incomprehensible and exhausting warning signals.
When you're feeling anxious, it's hard to concentrate or stay motivated. It's easy to drop any kind of effort-based work in favour of something that you can enjoy passively, so that you can make yourself forget the anxiety welling up inside you. The idea is - once you forget about it, it goes away, and you can go back to living your life.
In fact, here's another handy dandy poll filled out by Tumblr writers:
Like you can see above, there are a range of more passive or less effort-intensive activities that writers who experience anxiety gravitate to, the most popular being playing video games. This is followed closely by going on social media - though in my opinion, this can be a dangerous coping mechanism. For my part, I expected that watching movies/series and playing video games would be the most popular options for those who cannot write when they're feeling anxious. They're low-stakes activities which allow your brain to focus on something else for a little while, and they are specifically made to entertain.
But what happens when the anxiety is triggered by a range of different daily activities? Leaving the house, getting in the car, driving, going to new places, dealing with last-minute plans, getting a creepy DM on social media, having to face someone you argued with the day before, or seeing something disturbing on the news - to name but a few common triggers.
You're not going to be able to make yourself forget by turning on a movie or playing a video game when you're in a situation and need to give it your full attention. And so the anxiety becomes prominent, taking up even more space in your body and mind, and your motivation and productivity suffer.
Perhaps, as a result, you don't perform as well at your job. Or you don't feel like doing chores, or taking care of yourself, talking to friends, spending time with family, or even taking care of your pet. Maybe all you'll want to do is lock yourself away and escape the world - and all of its anxieties - for a little while. For those who can do that, it seems like a viable option, but beware! This can turn into a harmful habit. And for those who can't do that, we have to learn to deal with the anxiety as part of our daily lives. A miserable companion that just... won't leave us alone.
If you deal with anxiety on a daily basis, chances are, you've come up with coping mechanisms to help you through it. Maybe it's gotten to a point where you accept that it's a part of your day-to-day, and you get on with your life in spite of it.
Here's the real kicker, though: There's a whole set of anxiety-inducing triggers specifically related to writing that we can experience as writers. There's even a name for it: writing anxiety or writer's anxiety.
The impact of writing anxiety
Writing anxiety is a result of fears: the fear of being an impostor, being rejected, being ridiculed, and wasting your time. The fear of not being able to support yourself. The fear of missing out on life because you're cooped up at home writing a novel with imaginary characters instead. The fear of missing out on opportunities to further your writing career - or the fear of going for those opportunities and losing them. The fear of never being published. The fear of being rejected by agents, publishers, readers, critics.
Writing anxiety can also be a result of your story getting out of your control and becoming overwhelming to work on, or not knowing how to improve certain elements in your story, or even doubting the story despite having been extremely excited for it before.
So, yeah. Anxiety's a real beaut.
When that anxiety surges, maybe you'll tell yourself, No, I don't feel like writing right now; I'm too anxious. And you tell yourself this numerous times a day. And those days turn into weeks. Perhaps even months!
And your writing, which is something you want to do, something you want to work on, becomes neglected - passed up in favour of activities that you can immerse yourself in more easily. In fact, here's another poll which I shared with fellow writers on tumblr:
About 85% of the 186 respondents to the third poll agreed that their anxiety has had a negative impact on their writing productivity.
That's how anxiety is linked to writing - and, more specifically, how it can be detrimental to your writing career or hobby.
OK, so how do I handle anxiety as a writer?
I'm not a mental health specialist, so my advice can only go so far. But wait! It gets worse. Not only am I not a specialist, I'm also in the very same boat. So, let's deconstruct this one step at a time, together.
Between your daily dose of anxiety and your writing anxiety, and you've got yourself a nice little storm brewing in your head.
If you already have coping mechanisms in place to help you deal with daily anxiety, good on you! If you don't, I highly recommend trying to find some that work for you. Focus on sustainable solutions.
Try not to fall into a pattern or isolating yourself, or locking yourself away from family and friends, or even sleeping excessively to overcome the negative emotions. These aren't healthy, sustainable, or even realistic solutions. You can't crawl into bed if you're feeling anxious in the middle of your work day, for example.
Instead, find ways to distract your brain, or find ways to dismantle your anxiety. Talk with friends about a range of fascinating topics, watch a short 5-minute video about something you find interesting, go out for a walk or exercise, do a little messy painting or baking or gardening. Pick apart the reason you're feeling anxious, and explain to yourself in rational, logical ways why that fear is unwarranted, and everything will be OK. (Basically, talk your brain down from its false emergency.)
It's going to take a little trial and error, but hopefully you find ways to address your daily anxieties in healthy ways.
But what about writing anxiety in particular?
In my experience, writing anxiety can be overcome with simple organization.
A great deal of writer's anxiety is a result of feeling overwhelmed in some way by your writing project. Your work-in-progress could be getting out hand - spiraling out of control - and you might feel intimidated by it. Or, maybe there are specific issues with the story, but dealing with them is outside of your abilities at this point in time, so you don't know how to proceed. Maybe it's time to start querying agents, and you feel overwhelmed at the prospect and how much you need to do - and how careful you need to be.
It's normal for these pressures to make you feel anxious and stressed.
That's why I share a lot of different organization thoughts here on my blog. I've been blocked by my anxiety as well. I've been intimidated by the amount of work I've needed to accomplish for a specific project. I've been anxious over sending stories to literary magazines and hearing back from them. I've felt that there were issues with my stories that I wasn't yet qualified to deal with effectively.
I've gone through pretty much all of the above, save for the traditional publishing processes. And yes, it can be a very emotionally nerve-wracking experience!
Through it all, I have found that being organized - sometimes in new and creative ways - can help me overcome these obstacles and eradicate any anxiety or stress I might be feeling.
For example: As I write this, I'm in the middle of editing my solarpunk thriller, Murder in Heliopolis. I avoided that story for a long time because I knew it needed major reworking, and the thought of it intimidated and overwhelmed me. Where to begin? How to handle it? And what if I just don't have the skills to accomplish it?
I'd had a similar issue previously with The Pirates of Sissa and Marie/Elise. For both of those WIPs, I decided to use flashcards in order to reorganize and strengthen the plot. For Murder in Heliopolis, however, I felt the need for something different. So, I made a checklist. I chopped up the project into tiny, manageable pieces, and I made a goal to finish these pieces by the end of 2024.
And suddenly, this daunting task felt so much lighter. I'm currently working scene by scene, though my checklist is a chapter-based list. When I finish editing/rewriting a chapter, I check it off my list. When I finish working on a certain piece of worldbuilding, I check it off the list. And by making the list itself, I've managed to carefully consider all of the potential elements I'll have to work on moving forward, breaking this gigantic project down into small, manageable tasks.
There are other things you can do to get organized, too. Like I mentioned before, you could make flashcards. You could get a whiteboard and list the things you want to complete every week, adopting a more flexible approach. You could get a corkboard and start sticking different bits and pieces of your story up there, and breaking out the red string to connect the dots. You could make audio notes to help you keep track of ideas that you don't want to lose. You could use organized fiction writing programs like yWriter or Scrivener to make it even less intimidating to approach your writing.
You could start a notebook or bullet journal, dedicated specifically to a certain project. You could find or make story structure templates to help you visualize all of the parts of your story. You could create timelines of events in your story. You could create character profiles and setting profiles. You could put together a glossary or encyclopedia for your story to keep track of all of the worldbuilding. You could make posters, or Q&A tables, or even open up a spreadsheet to track your changes and progress.
There are so many things you could do - so many ways of getting organized. And the methods that you choose to use are going to be the methods that feel right for your project at that particular point in time. There's no right or wrong answer. Ask yourself what you need, and then get started. And if it turns out that's not what you need - try something else. There's absolutely nothing wrong wit ha little trial and error.
And, when it comes to querying agents or submitting to publishers or lit mags, break those processes down into smaller bits, too. For example, you can start with getting 5 agents you'd like to query and writing down their emails and submission/querying periods. Then, you can work on your query letter's first draft. Once that's completed, revise it and create a second draft. Once you have a final letter you're happy with, send it out to your list of 5 agents. If you get manuscript requests - awesome! If you don't, get another list of 5 agents, and start again.
Small, manageable chunks. Make it less intimidating and more approachable. That's the goal.
Sure, you might still feel some anxiety around some of these writing processes, but in my experience that anxiety should diminish significantly once you're organized and you can tell yourself, "I have a plan, and it's a plan I thought about carefully. I'm going to follow this solid plan, and I'm sure everything will turn out alright. And if the plan gets messed up - no worries. I'll reconvene with myself for another planning session and fix what wasn't working before."
Seriously, that's the advice? Organizing myself?
Yes. I know - hear me out - I also go a little bleugh when I hear the word organizing. Or, at least, I used to. But the fact of the matter is that anxiety thrives on uncertainty.
Anxiety loves, adores, absolutely throws itself at uncertainty. Those half-baked, vague, messy ideas - that figment of a concept of a plan that might seem like it's enough - is to anxiety as honey is to a bee.
The whole point is to not attract any more anxiety than we need to. In other words, to create systems that work for us, given our own personalities and routines and limitations, and which block out as much uncertainty as possible.
Organizing yourself is a sure-fire way to do that. In fact, for specific anxieties like writing anxiety, it's pretty much one of the only ways to do that.
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