EP24: On Instant Gratification & Social Media - TRANSCRIPT

Episode 24: On Instant Gratification & Social Media - My First End-of-Year Lesson Learned

Hi! You're listening to Hyba is Writing, and I am your host, Hyba. Today marks my 24th episode, and we're  coming up on the last episodes of 2020! This is a huge deal for me, because back when I started this podcast in July of 2020, I was only hoping and dreaming of being as consistent as I am today and sharing as many episodes as I have. As we've come to the end of 2020, I realize that there has been a huge transformation taking place over the past two years for me - and further back, over the past six years - and I am both elated and struck by how much I have changed as a writer. This year, though - this year, I've changed in some very distinct ways.

So, as we often do at the end of the year, I've been reflecting and taking the time to really think hard about what it is I've achieved this year, and what I didn’t get to achieve as well. Not just as a writer, but also in my personal and professional and academic life. I've written a couple of blog posts on the subject, and as of this recording, one of them is out already - it's a post about my Writing Goals for the New Year - with another post coming out December 30th specifically listing all the things I've achieved as a writer this past year. I'll link them both in the description for you to easily access.

So, I've focused a lot on looking back, and a little bit on looking forward. I've decided to focus on a few lessons that I've learned in 2020, that I wanted to share with you in a special set of end-of-year episodes. In fact, 2020 has taught me a lot of things, but I've chosen the topics of productivity, procrastination, and social media because these seem to be eternally hot topics in our information age. We're always eager to know how we can do more, be more, get more. And it's this constant drive, amplified by the fast-paced and high-demand environment of the "Internet That Never Sleeps" that keeps up wanting more from ourselves.

And this is true of all of us - not just writers, but everybody who spends any amount of time online will probably agree that there's always a lingering pressure to do more, whatever that "more" might be for you. But I think it hits authors and content creators especially hard because once we've gotten a taste of online validation and praise, it can be hard to work without that reward. Let me just start off by saying: it's necessary and vital for your success that you work without that reward. And that's my first lesson.

I fell into this trap myself a couple of years ago when I joined the writing community on social media and became insanely active. I was spending all day writing - but most of my day, if I'm being honest, was spent on social media and on creating content that I could share with people, whether that was in the form of excerpts, character introductions, graphics, worldbuilding posts, or whatever else I thought people were interested in seeing from me. And what would happen was that I would get a sort of instant gratification by posting these bits and pieces of my stories, and that would make me happy, and it would be enough for a little while. But after a day or so, I'd want more. So I'd go back and start making more content to share in order to get that praise and that reward.

Writing like this is unhealthy - and it slows you down. Instant gratification from social media is nice, but that's really all it is. In fact, the more I learn about social media, the more I realize that all social media platforms need to be approached with discipline and a plan. I've also realized that you can't stick around on some social media platforms forever, depending on the community and culture on those platforms. Sometimes, you simply need to be elsewhere in order to continue growing, and you need to be able to recognize that and plan for it.

What I started to realize was that I didn’t write for myself anymore. I wasn't internally motivated anymore, and all my reward and validation came from external sources rather than what I originally felt, which was that internal drive to keep going and that internal happiness that stemmed from writing something I was proud of. Instead, I wrote and made content for people to instantly enjoy and that was my reward. And that creates a bit of a vicious cycle. Not only did social media start to pull me away from my writing, but it also switched my focus into writing for that specific audience that I had at the time. And while that's nice, it wasn't my original plan, and still isn't my plan right now. That's why this year, I've made a lot of social media changes.

So, that's the first lesson that I learned this year. Just: Be able to write without instant gratification or reward from external sources. You can give yourself your own reward system, like celebrating finishing a chapter or finishing a book, but don't make it so that you need external validation to feel good about your writing. And don't get so immersed in social media that you forget why you started writing in the first place.

Since toning down my social media presence, I've started to get back into writing for myself, to make myself happy with what I write, and it's healthier and easier to write in this way. That doesn't mean my audience isn't in my mind when I write - far from it! It just means that I'm not going to be influenced by or exposed to this vicious cycle of instant gratification anymore, and that I've decided that I refuse to be chained to social media all day, every day. In other words, I've started to value my time and my efforts more than I did before, and that has made it clear to me that I need to prioritize and know pursue my actual goals. At the same time, I've started to get back into writing for the pleasure of writing, something that I thought I'd lost along the way.

So instant gratification, especially via social media, is out for the count. What can you do instead, to keep yourself motivated as a writer? Here's what has worked for me so far, as well as one new thing I've learned about that I've been trying to implement, and might be better at implementing in 2021.

The first is to stay away from social media. No, seriously. You don't need to share every thought you have every hour of the day, and you don't need to check what everyone is up to every hour of the day, and you certainly don't need to check who has liked your posts or replied or retweeted or reblogged or followed or unfollowed or any of that stuff. Anyway, remove the desire to check social media every ten minutes. Turn off notifications, turn off your WIFI, leave your phone in your drawer - do whatever works for you to help you step away from that always-on world. Adopt a slower pace in life that actually allows you to get more out of your life, and to do that, you need to step away from social media.

In fact, you don't need to have your phone anywhere near you for most of the day. Just leave it aside, and when you want to use it, make that a conscious decision rather than an always-happening part of your day. You can decide, for example, that after lunch or dinner, you'll check and update all your social media. Creating that distance is a good way to start moving towards intrinsic motivation. By doing this, you can stay away from the temptation to keep using it all the time, which is a huge favour that you'll be doing for your mental health and your ability to write without instant gratification and what can become, down the line, a hollow reward.

So, that's one thing you can do. The second thing you can do is find a buddy. Find someone out there who you trust who can keep you motivated, and who you can motivate in turn. By becoming someone else's cheerleader and having someone cheering you on in your corner, you get that organic and valuable motivation from another human being - not a stranger from online. Being productive with someone else is much more motivating and energizing than being productive all on your lonesome.

And I'm speaking from experience, because I have a writing buddy who I also think of as a very dear friend - hello, Sumayyah, if you're listening! - and this writing buddy has kept me motivated ever since I started to get to know her. Having someone who is also trying to accomplish something around you is inspirational and pushes you to keep going. But it goes both ways. You cannot assume that someone will always be there to listen to and support you if you are not there to listen to and support them. So, make sure you actually have the ability to be fair and available to whoever your writing buddy is.

There's a lot more to keep in mind about writing buddies - or just accountability buddies - but I'd like to leave that for another episode.

The third thing you can do is create a reward system. In order to do this, though, you need to understand the psychology of making a habit and how rewarding yourself actually goes. There's a difference between creating an incentive for yourself and rewarding yourself. A lot of people think that if they give themselves a snack or a slice of cake or a night out as a reward for a chapter that they've finished or a book they've completed, then that's a reward. Actually, I've come to learn that that is an incentive, not a reward. It's something you look forward to and motivates you, but it's not the kind of reward that helps you build a habit.

Rewarding yourself is psychological. You need to create some kind of genuine form of celebration to celebrate your accomplishments. That celebration is your reward, and it is a pure reward, not an incentive. We look forward to celebration, but it's something that we do purely as a reaction to a job well done or something that we feel should be celebrated. Does that make sense? I myself am still figuring it out, but I've been listening a lot to the StoryADay podcast hosted by Julie Duffy, and she always talks about rewarding yourself, and I thought I understood what she meant until I read an article, which I'll link in the episode description, that describes how to actually reward yourself.

This is one thing that I'm going to try to do a bit more, and I'll hopefully have a follow-up episode at some point next year (perhaps at the end of 2021?) that discusses my experience with this method.

That's it for today's episode, and our first lesson as we look back on and wrap up the end of the year. I hope this lesson resonated with you, and if it did, I hope that the suggestions I've provided will be a good place for you to start as you move away from social media and instant gratification and towards and more internally-motivated productivity. And speaking of productivity, that's going to be our next end-of-year lesson!

If you're interested in learning more or asking some questions, drop by my blog and leave me a comment there, or contact me at my website or social media. All the links are in the episode description. Thanks so much for tuning in today, and I hope to hear from you soon! Until next time!